forgive and forget

I don't want to forgive. It's not natural. Why must we incessantly continue to portray these qualities that aren't human. I know love is a great thing, but forgiveness is too great a task. Does God not realize what I endured?
Those thoughts go through my mind so often. Humans have this mentality that believes we are truly entitled for something. We have this overestimated sense of self that tells our worth to the world around us.
In actuality, there's not much we can do. A few years from now, we will be rotted corpses returned to the dust that we began from. We are entitled only to our death.
Forgiveness is sadly one of those few things that goes beyond what we want to believe we can do. But it is one of the few life giving things that we have. Think about it: when you do not forgive, it hurts you. It toils within you. Grows killing relationships. Killing your feelings. You don't win.
Maybe then forgiveness should be considered "unnatural" because unlike every other "natural" thing it promotes the one thing we don't deserve. True life...

Pain just another 4 letter word

Cliches. Why, oh why do you exist? When we struggle with issues that we cannot describe, we feel powerless if we cannot express ourselves. Must the alternative to powerlessness be empty words? When you experience loss, nothing can replace that hole. No words, no cards: nothing can fix what now does not exist inside you. You have a hole.
Some suggest that God creates true healing for these by filling the hole with a divine goodness that only One can do. The filling renders the heart qualitatively better than the original state because "Jesus took my burdens all away." Philosophically, this is possible. It is highly rational. However, it is only true for those who never experience it.
Wounds leave scars. Some wounds never fully heal. Our hearts are the same. Perhaps, in our current state, we will always carry the pain of loss. It is a reality that is fully present in our existence. In fact, loss is so much of the human experience that if one did not feel the repercussions of loss, then that one would not be human any longer. We must live with the pain, journey through it, experience, relive it. One may suggest that they can leave it or fully heal, but at best they simply ignore it for a while, denying the cancer that rots them from the inside. To be fully human means to live with our pain. Only in doing so, can we experience true life. And even true joy...